Mikey the one that will do anything to see u smile

I cant believe what i have some. i have hurt the one person that never looked at me in a bad light at all. not even the pit of my drug use, or the torture of my mindset. she stood by me and never let go. when people would shun me shed take me in, when i would tear myself sown, she would bring me back up. she has done so much for me, and has asked for so little in return. she cared so much for me that she brought me to see her family out of town. this was the cream of the crop, a very special honor. i was ecstatic. everything was going great until the last night, i drank too much and got into it with her dad. then apparently i turned on her. in a blackout rage i grabbed her. i grabbed my best friend. the best friend that i could ever have asked for. and pinned her against a care. screaming absurdities into the neighborhood. and she still forgave me the next day. wow shes such a great woman. i was such an ass and she doesnt deserve this. but to make matters worse a couple of days ago she brought it up again and i got defensive. i shouldnt of cause i was totally in the wrong. i just didnt want to hear about the damage i cause over again. which tough luck im gunna anyway. we get into another confrentation and she waves her keys by my key just trying to get a piont across and i grabbed her hand away and yelled at her for having her keys near my eye. i guess i hurt her again because it just got worse. i didnt want to hurt you holly. i sware, i tried every trick in the book from leaving you be to moving back and figiting to try and get rid of energy. but is still doesnt give me any excuse for what i did .

i lost the best person i ever could possibly have in my life. a true friend. 

im a fucking monster for putting you through it

there is a world

a world not like this one

where the senses of reality mean nothing

where you walk on the clouds

and swim through the trees 

where rocks burst in flame 

flowers know you by name

as the nymphs of past memories

dance in the possibilities of tomorrow

the awaking of the mentality 

and the power of psyche take hold

and the unimaginable oozes from the cracks of shattered souls 

screams of the damned

i hold in my hand 

only to crush the life from them

physical torture and psychological anguish 

they are my friends nos

the deepest feeling of agony

being pulled under the sufficating veil of sorrow

feeling like there is no way out

trying to grasp every little bit of hope just to have it crumble in your fingers

this is breakdown

where you relaize they never loved you the way you love them

the fact that would walk the world for them

and they dont even have the common courtesy to see you when youve made it so close 

where you do the impossible and dont even get a second look 

where you prove you love time and time again 

but the favor is never returned

the hardships gone through just for peanuts

and the way they coast through everything

the work that has been done to try and maintain some sort of stability

and they sont lift a finger

they reminders of your love through little nik naks that no one understand but you two

and the way everything is handed to her on a silver platter

and your left in the dust and debt of taking care of two on the salary of one

how all the money for that month is gone by the 14th and she just goes away

the promises of ill wait for you and we will see eachother again 

the insecurities of the other man

especially since youve been the other man many times before

when you can still talk like nothing wrong and then it seems shes wiped from the end of the earth

just nothing

just like that

she says she still calls me her man

but shouldnt she actually show her love and not torture me so. 

ive gone thriugh so many obsticles to prove my love is true

and she hasnt done shit

empty promises are all i hear, 

yet i dont want to loose hope

it fucking insane what ive put up with 

does that mean im truely in love?

or does it mean im truly insane?